The Universe Within Me
Oct 08, 2020
One year ago tomorrow, I had my first Jyotisha reading, at noon. Today marks the last day of what feels like an initiation into embodying this wisdom. A ending of a year or a cycle, but a beginning of something much bigger - ever deepening.
15 years ago in May, date unknown, in 2005, that initiation commenced. This is the experience I rarely share but somehow I feel now is the time. After months of denial about something being very wrong with my gut, I became very sick and had some sort of “experience” on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, 2am. At the time, I framed it as a mid-life crisis (I was only 35 years old) or possibly the beginning of a nervous breakdown. Now I refer to it as one of many phases of a spiritual awakening.
There was a single, powerful yet mundane experience and yet something had been awakened in me, something big and every single night I would awaken, maybe to pee, around 2am, go to the window and look at the vastness of the sky and take in all the cosmos and know that all of that was contained within me and all was well. And a split second later, tremendous fear would arise, profound fear that I could never escape myself. That was a lot to deal with for a nervous system, I became more ill, and within 2 years I left the successful career I had built and took an 8 month healing sabbatical in my home.
With time, I began coming out of that cocoon, slowly emerging and taking on consulting jobs, actually, they all just found me and I simply said “yes.” I found an awareness and yoga teacher and began to sew up this huge rift in my structure through the practices of yoga and meditation. I found practice after practice, and teacher after teacher, each one showing up as I was ready. And eventually I began sharing these practices with others.
In August of 2019, I had a Vedic Jyotisha reading with my Sanskrit teacher and my whole existence came together. It didn’t happen immediately. But through the months leading up to January 2020, everything became clear, this 15 year journey, the journey of the 15 years before that and even the first 15 years of my life. Everything was in perfect order to get me to step into this ultimate truth of helping people along, who had this sense of separateness and knew there was more…trying to patch themselves back into wholeness.
Since January, I’ve intensely studied Jyotisha, a healing tool that helps us heal our misplaced self-perception and with the onset of the Covid Quarantine, I studied as if it was a full-time job, intensely focused, meditating, accepting the flow of knowledge.
That’s my backstory.
-first written August 13, 2020