The ReckoningSep 09, 2021
I first was calling this grief. (And maybe that is partly true.) Then me and Mom were processing about what grief is and we agreed it was love that had no where to go. That resonates...but not for this particular thing I’ve got moving through.
So what is this?
My curiosity leads me to this: It is a reckoning.
There’s a lot that’s been postponed, processing that is.
I was 31 on September 11, 2001. My career was taking off. I was newly married. I was fleshing out how my life trajectory might look.
I did grieve some. And did my best to reconcile. But I had to do what I had to do.
And you did, too.
Now I find myself in a time of reconciliation. What’s next? How do I move forward without taking this with me? That’s what I’m fleshing out. I’m carving space for this for myself.
I can’t shake this feeling that we all have a reckoning on the horizon. There are so many things I’ve shoved to the side ditch only to find them stalking me years later, decades later. Little things. Big things.
Now seemingly giant things.
This is an eye of the needle portal we are passing through. It’s narrow and tight if we want to pass through.
It's a "ducks in a row kind of thing."
Or we can sidestep to the right or left and bypass all of this for another decade.
Whatcha gonna do?
What are you carving space for? (in honoring the reconciliation of what is undone in you)
I’m pretty sure this is why I have been avoiding “the mat,” the practice, the meditation.
I know that when I show up, I go deep. This seems like a lot to process.
Maybe you know what I’m laying down here?
Who is this Jenn Brooks?
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